An author recounts emotional isolation with an economist in Cuba

A Personal Account of Disconnection in Cuba

In a reflective first-person essay published by The New Yorker, an unnamed author recounts a period of profound emotional and physical isolation experienced during a trip to Cuba with a man she describes as an economist. The narrative, which traces a journey from the streets of Havana to the mountains of Viñales and eventually back to New York, serves as a meditation on the disparity between intimacy and performance in modern relationships.

The author describes a traveling companion who, while engaging in the shared experience of a tropical excursion, maintained a consistent pattern of emotional distance and social concealment. According to the essay, the economist frequently prioritized his own desires and professional obligations over the well-being of his companion, even as she suffered through a significant physical illness during their travels.

The Disparity Between Travel and Intimacy

During their time in Cuba, the author writes that the economist expressed a desire for more children, stating, “It’s not a real family unless you have children.” This sentiment stood in stark contrast to the reality of their connection. The author notes that she had previously disclosed her inability to conceive to him, yet she felt a growing sense of being an outsider in his life. She writes that she felt like an “idiot” for believing she was being considered for a meaningful role in his life, noting that his behavior—from the way he looked at her initially to how he managed his social media presence—suggested a lack of true partnership.

The author details several instances where the economist appeared to curate a version of his life that excluded her presence:

While in Viñales, he used FaceTime to speak with his children, ensuring the author was not in the frame so as not to give the impression he was traveling with a companion.
Upon returning to New York, he posted photos of Cuba to Instagram, some of which were taken by the author, yet none of which featured her.
He maintained a “dating spreadsheet” to track his sexual history, a detail the author uses to illustrate the clinical and transactional nature of their interactions.

As the trip progressed, the author’s physical health declined. She describes falling ill with a fever and a sore throat while in the Sierra de los Órganos mountains. While she struggled with the pain and delirium of the illness, the economist focused on his own pursuits, specifically a day of climbing that he completed while she remained incapacitated in her accommodation.

The Return to New York and the Limits of Connection

The narrative shifts back to New York, where the physical and emotional distance described in Cuba persisted. The author recounts a New Year’s Eve dinner intended to introduce her to the economist’s social circle, including an “important activist-entrepreneur” and his wife. Despite her ongoing illness, she attended the dinner in an attempt to make a positive impression, though she writes that her primary contribution to the evening was a persistent cough.

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The essay concludes with a description of a late-night encounter following the dinner. The author writes that the economist, in a heavily intoxicated state, engaged in unprotected sex with her on his living-room couch. She reflects on this moment not as a sign of progressing intimacy, but as a moment of profound neglect. She notes that she did not stop him because of perceived gender norms, but ultimately felt as though he “didn’t even know [she] was there.”

The account ends with the author leaving his apartment at 2 A.M. to return to her own home, highlighting the fundamental solitude that defined the relationship from its inception.